I have always been very afraid of Bee's and wasps. I remember when i first begun therapy and talking about my fears, T said something about the fear being in me and my putting it outside of me into the world around, bees and wasps just represent the fear inside. Yeah I sort of get that.

Well after Fridays session I was beginning to wonder about therapy, perhaps some critics are right about it being a self indulgent luxury? Or perhaps therapists are more in love with the power? This is very unlike me to feel this way.

Then yesterday I went to a shopping mall with hubby and as we drove in the car park the air was full of flying ants. I remember as a child one hot summer when there was a swarm of flying ants and I was terrified, the memory of them landing in my hair has stuck with me, and yesterday as i saw them from the car window I begun to worry that I would have to battle them to get to the shopping malls doors.

We got out of the car, and people were waving their arms about and even my husband was wiping his face and head trying to battle them and I was the calmest one there, I just walked to the shopping malls doors unaffected. It was so weird, I am so use to seeing myself as the most scared- est person who ever walked the planet, unyet i could see other peoples fears too, I could even see my husbands, I felt none, the fear just wasn't there. I thought, is this what being "normal" is? I knew then that the work I've been doing over these past yrs has been working, change is happening, but it doesn't happen in the areas you try to consciously force change, it changes you at your core and works from the inside out.

This may seem a small thing, but it represents real change. T always says, "don't you feel other people have fears?" and I always say "no", because my fears were so big, I was like a child always in awe of the "grown ups" but as I "grow up" I can see that "normal" people do have fears and quirks, I just never had the room to see that before.