You say you have never talked with your H about porn before. Maybe he is just totally clueless and thinks since he likes it, you would too. I think you need to have a more extensive talk with your H about this and tell him you really do not like it AT ALL and his suggesting this to you drives you further apart from him. Be very clear and unaccommodating. You do not like it and you do not like him pressing this on you. Chaotic, I know it is hard to believe, but sometimes people are just totally oblivious and although it seems he should know this, he actually may not. Educate him. After he knows, if he keeps suggesting you watch porn with him, then he has no excuse for his behavior, because you have been very clear about it. In fact, after having this talk with you, if he keeps doing it, it seems to me that would mean he wants to drive you away from him.

I really doubt his T would suggest to him that he invite you to watch porn with him. I think this was probably his own brilliant idea.

I think his T is trying to help him with the relationship. He can only help so much unless he understands better the other person in the relationship. There are a number of approaches to improving relationships, and if his T knows more about you, he can help your H better. The sad thing is, that your H doesn't know you well enough to answer T's questions about you without having to ask you the answers. It's like you've lived together this long, had kids, been through a lot, and he still doesn't know you. My H was kind of the that way. He was just clueless about me and totally uninterested throughout the marriage of knowing me better. Chaotic, try not to view this as manipulation. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Let's say your H begins acting more pleasant, less demanding, less controlling, less interested in where you are going all the time, etc. (or whatever your issues with him may be). And so you begin to relax more, feel less unhappy, etc. Isn't that a good thing? Your H is learning to have a relationship better? Why view it is a negative thing, i.e. manipulation? Don't you want things to get better?

You don't know your H's T is doing this either. In what way do you think your H's T is trying to modify YOUR behavior? Maybe he is working with your H to modify HIS behavior. If your H can change for the better, and it makes you feel better disposed towards him, is this really "manipulation"? Would you prefer that things stay the way they are, that your H not change, and that you continue feeling miserable?

Chaotic, this does sound kind of paranoid. Why not start with the simplest explanation first--that your H is trying to make the relationship with you work. Maybe you can talk to your H about this and get better information on his motives. It might reassure you, or it could make you feel your paranoia is justified--but at least you would know with more certainty.

Chaotic, have you talked to your own T about your feelings about your H's changes and your fears about his "collaborating" with his T?

Chaotic, at some point, when you and your H have both done a certain amount of individual work with your individual T's, it is going to be more "efficient," if nothing else, to do some couples work. Then you two can ask each other the hard questions directly to each other, with the support of a professional. It is harder to be dishonest or evasive or change the topic when a T is there keeping you on track. And it can make the other person hear your truth because they can't just walk away. The T can keep them from interrupting you or being dismissive or whatever. Then the T can ask the other spouse, "what did she/he just say?" so they can demonstrate they have heard what their partner said. I actually have more courage now for couples work than when I really needed it, lol. Keep working with your individual T and maybe one day you will be able to do couples. Ditto for your H.