Thanks Sunrise!

I know a lot of the fear and feelings of being manipulated are paranoid thoughts. I appreciate that you were willing to say that to me. I am really trying to challenge them and look at the positive things that can come from this situation. I realize that my perception of my H's therapy as being similar to a pair of guys sitting in a bar room sharing pick-up strategies is likely seriously skewed. But like always knowing and feeling are two different things.

I haven't talked to my T about this issue yet. I did share my fear about my H's T nosing around in my therapy chart since he works out of the same practice as my T does. My T has been really good at making me feel like the privacy of my records will not be violated. At this point, I really don't want to disclose my CSA and discuss this stuff with my H or his T. I think the fact that my H's comments and actions have been mostly centered around our sex life elevates my fear that at some point I will have to explain why I will not be watching porn with him.

My H IS slowly making a turn-a-round but based on his past behavior, I am still leary of putting full trust in him. He still has days when the anger flashes and the verbal attack are unleashed. I think my H as an inner child who...does not make a nice playmate! :-)

As for the idea of a couples session, I've had a few nightmares about that. I'm not ready for that yet.

Sunrise, thanks again for helping me see a different (more balanced) perspective on what might really be happening in my H's therapy.

The hard part for me in therapy now is talking about stuff that I KNOW is just NOISE but is seriously imparing my home life. I know talking about my fear and irrational thoughts is probably good. But at the same time when I allow my T sessions to be taken up by stupid stuff I end up leaving these sessions feeling unfullfilled and resentful. I have other stuff I am experiencing and am confused/excited about and REALLY want to talk about. Its like I'm caught between what I want to talk about and what I don't want to talk about but probably need to talk about to improve my home life. Sometimes I think not being able to talk was better than now wanting to purge everything and having to choose what is most important. Gilda Radner had it right when she said..."Its always something!"