(((Confused1982)))

I know you said you can't write it down, but have you tried? I know it helped me a whole lot. At first this was the only way I "talked" to my therapist. I even made him leave the room in the beginning...

Anyhow, the idea being to get your thought to him somehow or else he won't know what you want and need from him. But even if you don't show your T it might be advantageous for organizing your thoughts.

It's possible that you are misinterpreting things with your therapist. Good luck.