Thanks again Sunrise. I know this noise needs to be addressed. What the noise is say IS STUPID, but its affect on me and my relationship is not. My resistance to openly communicate and share who I am with my H is a serious problem. I think I want to focus on the other stuff because its a easier to talk about, its positive, and I want to explore it. On the other hand talking about the mental noise leads me back to the darker aspects of me, makes me feel bad, leads back to negative things, and it depresses me. When I go here I feel like crap for days.

My intellectual self knows where I need to go, I just don't want to do it. I HATE the negativity, I feel a crash coming on.