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Hello nnnunley and welcome to PC.
There is hope for a marriage after domestic violence but IF and only if the abuser is really willing to work on their issues. When my father drank he was an abusive drunk. He went into detox for a very long time. It was a whole program that included family counseling. He was able to remain sober and virtually violence free for 25 years. Many people would be embarrassed about this, but because he was able to change his life he was my hero. Those memories of violence are still with me, but so is the knowledge that change is possible.
Frankly it does not sound like your husband has learned his lesson. I fully understand why he wouldn’t want to return. The people that run these programs don’t put up with any BS. Any rationalization he would offer for his behavior will be met with a serious dose of reality. People that aren’t in a place to humble themselves and accept that they have a problem and accept the help being offered find this very difficult to deal with.
The best thing to do, in my opinion, is to set up rules. 1) You are an adult in control of your own life. PERIOD 2) He must attend these classes 3) Counseling is mandatory for both of you. You need to know what signs to look for that he is slipping back into that aggressor role, and how to avoid your role of victim. It’s very rare to find someone strong enough to look at themselves and make these necessary changes.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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