(((((Sarah))))) Thank you for understanding. i don't think we're in a good place now to leave anything. We're having surgery today. There is a lot of pain and it's so triggering- some have thought it was body memories but it's not. i'm taking a large amount of pain meds but they have to look for better ways to control it- the pain is impossible to live with. i'm having this surgery to temporarily block the nerves to find out what else will or won't work. It's so scary to have needles - littles are so afraid, we're afraid also. i hope we can manage to live in the part that can handle having the surgery. i wish T could have worked on that instead of everything else we talked about yesterday
They know that i have DID at the hospital where i'm having the procedure done because i went there a few times before and was an inpatient there also. i hope that the dr won't find out- won't treat me differently because of it.
we've tried not going to T and not going to church. It's too hard to manage. we need to find someone to help- i wish my T would care enough about me to help me.
Some of my parts are attached to him- littles are but they haven't been allowed to come out very much in t lately. Yesterday T tried and one came. It makes it harder to leave if they have this close relationship with him, that's why we try to prevent them from coming out.
i wish T would just try to find ways to help me.
Thank you for writing and being there. it helps so much. Thank you for understanding. It's so hard to go through these things alone . i wish i were strong enough to leave but i guess i still am hoping that it will work out with H, church and T.
Thanks Sarah, again, for being there,
kerria