Darrel, Tomi, this is to both of you. You have each pretty much said what I wanted to say the other day but thought it was better to let you find it for yourself.

<font color=orange>Tomi:</font color=orange>I've accepted what happened to me and have picked at it until I found some good outcome. At first, I was aware of all the wasted time and I was very resentful. But when the coin is flipped, life has polished the other side to a shine. It still has a way to go, though. I wouldn't be who I am today if it hadn't been for my past experiences. But I can't say that I'm grateful.

<font color=orange>Darrel:</font color=orange>No, I cant change bitxx woman, but I can see her in a different light as you've suggested. Maybe I can even be grateful. I think any person in that position in a childs life , during those important formative years, is going to have a major influence on the child. It could have been worse. Maybe I shouldn't blame her so much. Maybe I saw the most evil fragments of her personality. Maybe I magnified them. Maybe there was no chance for her to do anything right. I wanted my mom. Not her, not anyone else. Maybe I should give her a break. Maybe she didn't realize the important role she was playing in my life. Maybe she didn't want to become insta-mom to a 10 year old. Maybe I wasn't the little angel I remember. Maybe no one would have been "right" for me. Maybe that's how she felt.

What happened to us happened. It is in the past, and nothing we do now can change the facts. We might not understand the reasons, but we survived and we are here now. We can control what we do from here on. Wow, Darrel, you are even expressing sympathy for the person who hurt you! Yes, there were reasons why they acted the way they did, and we probably won't understand all of them, but everybody is human, and if we go through life carrying a grudge, it's us who hurt.

We hurt and went though pain and wasted time, but was that time really wasted? Who would we be now if that experience were removed? Would you choose to be you without that experience or would you rather be who you are? When you go through the refiner's fire it hurts, but look at how beautiful you are when you come out of it!


<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>