Hi guys. Thanks for all your replies. I love this site too and each and every one of you. I'm still incredibly depressed and on the verge of tears at every moment or else erupting in anger because I'm so frustrated that there's no p-doc or p-nurse I can see right now. I've made tons of phone calls for weeks. Everyone is either booked until Sept or not on my insurance and/or too expensive. I made another call this morning to a p-nurse, but who knows if she's even in town. Like I emailed my therapist. I can't wait any longer. I can only survive like this for 2-3 days tops. I'm thinking about you know what all the time. I just want the pain to stop. I don't want to hurt anyone. If only they could add something into my meds regime (which is really quite paltry compared to most people with bipolar) I might be able to survive until the Lamictal started working.

It's really hard to speak right now, breathe, do anything. I feel very trapped and hopeless.

My mate is around most of the time. I won't do anything to harm myself, but I feel like I'm slipping away and my mind won't hold together much longer. I will go to a hospital if I can't take it any more, but I really don't like hospitals. They cause panic attacks for me.

Hugs everyone. I'll let you know if I get an appt. Sorry I can't help anyone else right now. It's not your fault and nothing personal. I'll just probably be out of commission for a while. If you PM me, I get a notice on my email and will check it once a day.