I just don't want to have bipolar. I had three good days and then today I was frustrated and angry. It's all I can do to get my kids aout of the house and I am ruining their childhoods. Part of this is social anxiety and I think I have developed agorophobia. My T-doc and I are working on this, but I don't like to go places because it is too hard/scary. I don't like to be with people because I am scared of most of the people I know or don't know, there are certain stores I won't go to, certain coffee shops I will only go to if they have a drive thru, and only certain gas stations I will go to because I am uncomfortable going to others. I only feel good at certain restaurants, so I miss out on the tiny bistros.

I just want to wake up one day and say to my kids, "Let's go to the..." and not feel like I am going to go out of my mind trying to get there or freak out if I do get there. What a sad life for them. No friends over for them or anything.