You mentioned answering posts to help ppl and I'm one of them and you made me feel better! God its hard when you don't have a good pdoc. I've had so many mediocre/bad ones. I finally found one I'm happy with. I def. know how you feel been there many times sadly.

I hear that you understand that you might have to go to the hospital. I committed myself a few years ago and no, not a good experience BUT I didn't kill myself. I hate the idea of having to do it again, too, but, I will.

Is there an Emotions Anonymous group in your area. I wish I had one, but I read a lot of their lit. and we do have Al Anon here and it helps me (when I don't flake on attending meetings, etc...) You don't have to be living/dealing w/an active alcoholic to attend.

Thinking of you, J