((((((((((((Calista12)))))))))))) I'm so sorry things are hard right now. Boy, do I understand the suicidal thoughts after being with abusers. Some parts of my brain still maintain a relationship with people from my life. These parts weren't witnesses of the abuse and I guess either don't have knowledge of it or are in denial about it. Either way, whenever I come into contact with those people, whether or not I remember it, I become very suicidal. For the longest time, I couldn't figure out what had happened. I'd just have these overwhelming feelings that seemed to come out of nowhere. It wasn't until I was in therapy for a while that T was able to figure out a correlation. While our goal is to ultimately break away from those relationships, at least now when the feelings come, I know better how to self talk and hang on until the waves pass.

It's hard to just break away, I think. I know for here, some parts seem to care for the abusers in some way. Others are terrified still to go against anything they say or do. And then apparently some want to cause extreme harm to the abusers. It causes a lot of problems here at times.

We can only do what we can do. I'm glad you have a T to help you through. As we all become stronger and more aware, I think we can learn to break away from unsafe people in our lives. Please take gentle care through this.