Yeah.... I'm sorry to see others go through what I do too, it saddens me that you are hurting so.
You have to be honest with the T... he isn't against you, he's your support. They tend to not discuss the idea of our leaving messages... imo... they don't wish to dampen our spirit, don't wish to break the link we make that way.. but don't wish to encourage it either.... You say you got scolded. You know, I tend to use those kinds of words at/about my T's reactions sometimes, but it isn't really scolding... you know? IMO it's positive support and we just don't know how to accept it or realize it... cuz we take it like all the "other" comments ppl make (that aren't supportive). In this way of theirs they are modelling good behavior. We need to learn what is good and what isn't. And what is "ok." Our boundaries and limitations are messed up, I think.
Feel better inky. You do have a lot going on... and you're going through it. That's good. Do the best you can. OK? TC