Like my title said, it has been a really long hard week.
I was admitted into the mental health unit, for the 14th time last thursday, and got out yesterday.

Luckily I have been through this so many times, I know when I am going to crash, and I reached out for help. I walked two blocks, in kind of a daze, to the cop shop, handed them a bag of meds, and started sobbing. The cop took me to the local ER, where a small town doc, and his infanate wisdom called somebody from CMH. The Jerk, that I had a run in before with, came in and pretended to care for five minutes, then sent me to the unit. I normally get sent 40 miles away, to the nearest unit, but this time that particular hospital was full, so they sent me to a hospital, and town, 150 miles away. TALK ABOUT FREAKED OUT!!!!!!!!! I didn't even know where I was!!!!!
I started out at 11pm, and finally was admitted at 6am. It is a good thing that I work midnights and am used to being awake at that time.
I have been in the hospital not far from here 13 times before, but never in my life did I expect what was next in this place.

When we got there, I asked if my husband could at least walk me down to my room...Mind you, I was sobbing, hysterically ... They said "No, you have to say good bye right here." Heaven forbid that they give me a MOMENT of privacy to apologize to him, or to kiss and hug him. I was not asking for him to stay, just to walk with us in order to reassure me. No explanation of why he couldn't, just a very rude in tone, NO!
Once we went to my room, the so called nurse slammed the door, and told me to strip. "STRIP!!!????!!! For what? I have never been strip searched in my life." My hysteria went from bad to worse!
She did not take no for an answer, even though I told her, half way through taking my clothing off in front of a total stranger that was really mean, I was having flashbacks of being molested. She finally gave me a gown to put on, and that was when I noticed the camera up by the ceiling.
"IS THAT A (*%^()@ CAMERA?" I yelled at her.
"Yes it is."
That is all she said, and then quickly left the room, leaving me feeling like I had just been raped or something. Sure she never touched me, but I felt bad already and she just made me feel dirty. I didn't even know where the bathroom was so I could puke.
Come to find out, the camera went to a monitor at the desk, where anybody in the unit, male or female, patients or staff, could see exactly what was going on in my room. I also found out, that my bathroom was right next door, and she very well could have done her search there, where there were no cameras. I was extremely ticked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Although I was ticked, that is not why I was in the hospital. I still had a lot of issues, and I didn't really know what to do with this.
By the end of the week, I felt a lot better, and just before I left, I spoke with the patient's rights advocate.
She agreed that this was NOT right at all, and she started an investigation. I am going to call her tomorrow, and every other day, until I am satisfied. I went to the hospital for help, and ended up feeling like I had to be guarded, hence I could not get full benifits of hospitalization. I could not talk to anybody about it because I did not know who would side with her, and take things out on me. I have had several nightmares about this, and I am still trying to figure it out. This has become my new problem. I got nothing from the hospitalization, except screwed up more than I already was. I am sooooooooooo sick about this.

bren