As usual, great comments, Darrel!

Any time that I am talking in terms of "we" of course I am including myself in that, and I certainly was when I talked about grudges. It doesn't do any good, but I hold so many grudges. I resent the staff at the elementary school where I went to first-third grades for being insensitive to children's feelings and for assuming that a little girl who says she is afraid is just making it up to get attention or whatever reasons, and totally disregarding her concerns. I resent the school counselor in seventh grade who chose to do nothing to help a girl who spend her lunch hours in the bathroom crying and head-banging and who believed that the entire world hated her, beyond just asking why one time and then never giving it a second thought. I resent all the teachers who told me that I didn't hurt or shouldn't hurt when I did. I resent the ones who didn't get involved because I was just an Air Force Brat and would be someone else's concern soon enough. My college roommates who shunned me when all I asked of them was to be my friends. My sister who tagged along to make sure that I never got a chance to tell anyone that something was wrong. My parents, who thought that children should be cute and cuddly forever, and denied my need to grow up and experience life for myself. The therapists who never asked the right questions, and told me that I was just homesick or just looking for attention. The university professors who wouldn't give me a chance because I wasn't just like them.

How would my life be different if just one of these people had listened to me, advocated for me, recognized that I had potential but needed encouragement and understanding? Any of them could have made a huge difference, but they didn't.

Life could have been easier. I could have been somebody, worth something. I could have had a career, self-confidence, the ability to provide for myself and to do the things I want to do with my life already.

But, who might I not have met? What experiences would I not have had? What might I not have learned that I did? What strengths would I not have gained?

There were two trees. One grew near the river bank, and all the water and everything it needed was always within easy reach. The other grew some distance away, where the ground was hard and dry and it had to work hard for everything it got, and sometimes do without. Both trees grew tall and beautiful. One day there was a bad storm, and the tree that grew by the riverbank was blown over, but the other tree was able to withstand the storm. One tree never had to develop very deep roots, but the other had a well-established, deep, strong root system because it had to. Which tree was better off?

I still harbor grudges and resentments. Maybe I'm not quite who I want to be yet, but I know who I want to be, and maybe if life had been easier I wouldn't even be that close. Everybody has adversity - lots of people have suffered much more than I have. That's what life is about. I should just let go, but it isn't that easy.

Why, then, if adversity makes us strong, should we help other people? I don't want to be like all those that I resent. It's not for me to say how much and what kind of adversity someone should have. And adversity doesn't strengthen us until we overcome it. With help, we can overcome more adversity than any of us ever could alone.

Just some thoughts, mostly for my own benefit, but if any of it helps anyone, so much the better.

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>