In the words of Jeff Dunham's Peanuts:
"What the hell was that?!"

Catherine it was, falling but not grasping to stop the fall...thanks to the classmates who reached out and snagged me before I reached bottom.
Thank You...Thank You!

Now I have a puzzle to put together--me.
And this is all right.
Sharing what has happened with/to me the past few days, maybe weeks.

So...jme
Sometimes I find that my "tried and true" methods don't work all the time. They may have served me well in the past, as recently as the past few weeks.
Therein lies the problem.
I became a bit smug while I rock and rolled down my path singing Joplin, picking daisies, and oohh, look at the pretty bird...you see, I can be easily distracted. NSS.
That distraction cost me, hours and hours of Feel Bad.
I became adept at swatting away those annoying little bugs circling my heart...those little bugs asking me to stop and think about things, anythings, everythings.
Shoosh away bad bugs, and I kept focusing on what had always worked.

In other words, I stagnated and allowed myself to get stuck in one helluva mess.
(Bit my butt, got that bruise, and for $451 dollars I will show it as discreetly as possible.) (Showing my butt was one of my minors in college)

Hindsight is great. I look backward and think one of two things.
1. Why did I do that?
2. Why didn't I do that?
This is the purpose of hindsight.
It is not to be confused with having the vapors, gracefully fainting, and gently fanning the sweat/"glistening" on my body.
It's for eye-opening awareness of what most likely went wrong.
My usual methods:
Same songs, same spot on the patio watching the birds dive bombing the squirrels, enjoying the beauty of the white dove, and on and on and on.
I'm fortunate/lucky/whatever because I was caught when I was making my descent into hell.

Time for a new song to soothe me
Ditto about parking myself in the same patio spot, a different spot will show me another view.
Ah, my music. Jopling in storage, flute music warming up...perhaps I'll play along with the CD.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. It broke,
I'm gearing up to fix it.
First I have to add something to my usual nutritional plan---eating my own words. Without salt, pepper, or butter.
Because I'm aware of the pitfalls of static thinking does not mean I follow my own advice.

Pitfalls do not have to be bad.
It gives classmates a chance to be my heroes.
It gives me a chance to clean up my act, throw out the old, welcome the new with shaking spirit and a poop on this...

I didn't veer off my path, and that was a major problem.
Major.
I responded to Stress--don't ya just love that word?--in the same old way.
The stresses were different, my responses to it were almost cookie-cutter.

Gonna be busy trying new things.
I have to; this is no times for being fussy and closed minded and embarrassed.
It's time for me to either get out of the victim mode...smearing ashes on my face, head covered in a black shawl, and beating the breasts while whining Mea Culpa! Mea Culpa!
or I can sloth step forward and gingerly pick things I think will be good for me. If they turn out to be less good/more irritation then I must keep looking.
This Is All Right.
I did not fail. I did nothing wrong. But I was ignorant of the need to drop/add to my usual techniques.
Usual==mire? payoff for me somewhere in that mire.
Oh, who gives a crap.

Change is necessary, obviously so. I do not need to fear it.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to go to K-Mart and they have a blue light special on changes?? Pick and sort through what is there and find out that there are as many as the stars in the sky.
Some of them will shine brighter and catch my attention.

No fair putting them on lay-away. Can't anyway since they have been paid for, just not picked up.

Today is the first day of the...rest of the story
In Peace,
Catherine