Definitely hypomanic right now. I haven't slept well at all for the last week, but I'm getting a lot done...also done a lot of stuff that I find cool, but in the end really doesn't do much for anyone else. But I'm not tired...I'm awake and want to find interesting things to do...work is boring. But I'm making it interesting by turning my custom chart application (for work related data) into a fully functional mathematical function graphing calculator. Why? Because I built it to work with any sort of data, and therefore, if I feed it a simple sequence of numbers, I can draw functions and tangents on curves, or sine waves or whatever the hell I want. I think it's pretty cool, but no one else will...well one guy, but he's cool. It took me like 8 hours to fix a bug in my C twitter program...but I did it and I'm very satisfied with the results.

Definitely having a lot of ideas right now and bounce around from one thing to the next. Also scared that I heard a couple things that aren't really there...auditory hallucinations...but I'm almost positive that was just my own paranoia (paranoid of full-blown mania). Also driving more like an idiot...not as bad as I used to. But still I gunned it to 85mph down a 45mph road because I didn't want to get stuck waiting for a train. Not that I was racing against a train...but they have trains that go across this road all the time...I didn't want to get stuck.. The bastards are testing some kind of remote control train, so when the train comes, it just sits there and goes back and forth forever. It's not even going anywhere! I hate them.

So yes...I hate a lot of things, but I am more irritable now when I get "pulled-off" of what I'm doing...because I get really into things. And it's bad sometimes because I get really frustrated with the kids for interrupting me...and that's not right...they are kids. I would never hurt them ever...I'd endure 100,000 sessions of torture in a North Korean prison before doing that...but they still don't need to see me blow up...it's not good for them to see that....regardless if it is directed at them or not.

mother F***. I just don't want it to get out of control. I'm enjoying the "spark", but I've been on the other side too many times...I don't want to crash. Hopefully Lamictal will keep me from crashing hard.

I'm rambling because I can ramble here. I know it and you all know it, and it just feels good to do it somewhere where everyone understands and no one is bothered by it.

I have a meeting that is coming up and I'm dreading it. Reason? I don't know the subject matter and I really don't care about it...it's just more data...but I'm suppose to do the application architecture and design...so I have a lot of responsibility there.

Right now I feel like writing all kinds of crazy chaotic music...with elements of beauty here and there...maybe influenced from mathematical concepts or computer science algorithms...I've tried it before and I always get stuck. Because it's really hard to play a note on the 3.6488967th fret of the guitar.

But to do something like Strapping Young Lad would be awesome. Devin Townsend is God. He covers the entire spectrum...from the utmost beauty to the most frightening chaos. And he's BP ...go figure.

I wonder what he would say if he read this post...

Lot's of ellipses in this post...that means many thoughts.

DRUGLESS HIGH...

Feels good to let some of it out...nobody else can understand.

Thank you...God bless