My experience with adoptive parents is that they forget they wouldn't BE a parent without the birthmother. It's that whole "you 'just' gave birth to the kid, *I* raised him, so F you" thing. They don't consider what giving up a child does to a woman -- the second the kid's in their hands, it instantly and forever becomes all about them instead, and the bmoms get ignored or worse. Believe me, it isn't a choice one makes if you see ANY other choice.

The sperm donor's mom -- with whom I have been good friends over the years, or so I thought, even though I haven't spoken to HIM in years -- ran into my son's a-mom somewhere (they live near each other) and decided to introduce herself. She had not given one whit of a crap for the first 15 years of his life, wouldn't discuss anything regarding him with me, and then when she decided she wanted to know, I was nice enough to share. My ONE request was that I get to meet him first, since I have suffered more than anyone by far because of this. She blatantly ignored my request. Now she and the a-mom are BFFs, and 2 against 1 is never a winning situation for the 1. Because I am hurt and said so, I have been called all sorts of names, told I need to act my age and cut the melodrama (direct quote), etc. It takes a LOT for me to speak up about how I'm feeling EXACTLY because of reactions like this. People complain all the time "you're so quiet!," and you know why? It's because I have been backstabbed too many times, have had too many people repeat things I (apparently naively) expected would be held in confidence because that's what I would have done, and because when I stand up for myself, I get f'ing steamrollered. So it's just a lot easier to shut the F up.

Sorry for the rant. :-\