Hi Chiachick, to me it seems that you deeply care about her and I can only imagine that you feel she cares about you too or you wouldn't be here trying to help her. I think your confronting her about her lack of responsibility and her making everything the trauma's fault was good, but it may have been a little too much for her to handle all at once. If you truly want to continue and foster this friendship, you may want to start telling her how you are being affected by it and how your are feeling about her outbursts and how much she is hurting you.

Instead of telling her things that she can fire back with psych terms, try talking to her more about 'feelings' that you are having. When she tries firing back with psych terms (and I would bet she's still going to try) keep explaining that you are talking about how YOU are feeling and how her actions are making YOU feel. Tell her your conversation is not about her and that you want to talk about YOU. Try turning the conversation to you at any point you can and this will help her feel like she doesn't have to defend herself so much. It will also be harder for her to argue with you about how YOU are feeling. If she brings up being in the first year of therapy still and that people are learning the first year, agree with her and let her know that she now needs to start learning how her actions are affecting those around her and in particular, you. Explain to her that she will learn a great deal in therapy but she shouldn't stop trying to learn from her life experiences as they continue. She seems to have traded therapy for real life and the two must work together.

You have received some very good avice in this thread from others and I think you have to make a decision as to how much you are willing to endure to hold on to this friendship. It seems to be hurting you and you need to be aware that she could actually be traumatizing you right now. (I don't know enough about your situation but I wanted to let you know this could happen).

I hope you do what is best for you, and please be safe with yourself.

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