Alright, I'm in a relationship with this girl. I've been with her for almost eight months now. At the start I really liked her a lot. She seemed perfect to me. Obviously that's how everyone feels at the start of a relationship. Anyway, lately I've been learning a lot of new things about her. And for some reason I can't accept them no matter how hard I try. When it comes to porn and stuff I get really disgusted. That's what I feel stupid for. When she was twelve years old she would look at porn a lot. Her mom found out but did nothing about it. All she did was go and call and tell some people. Like it's something funny. I hate her mom for how she is, letting my girlfriend watch porn and read dirty romance novels at such a young age.
Anyway, I can't seem to accept it, no matter how hard I try. I can't even talk to her like I used to. I really want to, I want to accept it, but I can't! And it hurts me, it makes me feel horrible! Because I'm with this girl who loves me so much but I can't even return it suddenly over such stupid things!
I don't know how to change this. I really need help. Because it's effecting me so negatively. I'm already bad enough as it is but the more I learn about her the worse I feel. She knows I'm upset, she just doesn't know what about, or that it's even about her. Then she gets angry because she can't make me happier. So she starts yelling at me till she gets sick of talking to me and leaves.

I feel like I may as well put my other stuff in here so I'm not posting all over the place. My other problem is my friends. I lack them actually. I lack a life. I can't get a job. My brother won't help me with college stuff so I can get started with that. So all I really do is sit at home and stare at my laptop. Talk to my girlfriend, but she leaves and does stuff a lot. When people actually do talk to me I don't want to burden them with my problems to I just act happy or refuse to tell them anything if it's impossible for me to act happy. If someone actually wants to hang out it's only because they feel bad for ignoring me for months. So they just kind of sit around and do things like texting other people and leave me to sit there completely bored and ignored. Since I have no social interaction I try to occupy myself with hobbies. I used to draw, all my life I would draw, so I always thought that would save me, but I've been unable to draw as I get more and more depressed. I eventually moved on to trying to teach myself guitar. That worked for a little while, but I started to lose my determination. So I started collecting robots, I guess hoping robots could replace people for me. But really they just aren't realistic enough for that. So in the end all I've done is waste a lot of money. So recently I've started giving up, on everything. I'm just sitting around now and rotting away, and I'm only eighteen years old.

I thought I could help myself and deal with my problems on my own. But it's been months and months, and I just can't bare it any longer. That's why I joined this place. I can't tell anyone that I know. I want to tell my mom. Let her know that I've been depressed for so long, but she is the type that looks down on people who get depressed and stuff. She would be so disappointed and angry at me. I also wish I could tell her about my girlfriend but she would be so angry about that too. I feel like if my family knew who I was I would be such a huge disappointment to them. So I really have no one to go to but this site. I really hope it can help me, and I'm sorry if this is a lot of stuff and if it's confusing. I'm confused myself so it's hard to make things organized and everything.