I appreciate what everyone is trying to say. However, I will quote my psychiatrist when I say--why are we blaming ourselves? COuld it be possible that we are simply having bad luck, or running into creeps who like to use people because THEY have issues? It seems especially that women are prone to this self blaming behaviour--if we experience a bad break up, then we have to "improve ourselves" or "take a time out to get our attitudes to be more positive-so-we-can-attract-more-positive-men." Yet men are allowed to act however they like, and we're meant to submit to this behaviour, and even blame it on ourselves! I was curious as to the responses I would get, and I can see we are still overcoming old thinking patterns. I'm not sure I can get behind these seemingly repressive and backsliding attitudes that are being espoused here on this forum. No matter how much someone "improves themselves" it doesn't mean the very next relationship won't be another creep or dud--so then do we go on trying to figure out what else to improve? Seems rather self-defeating and pessimistic to me. By blaming ourselves we unwittingly absolve the other party (the man) of all of the blame. But thanks anyway, guys. I've had seven years to "improve myself" and another 15 years before that in which I wasn't even interested in dating because I was travelling around the world, and believe me, my attitude was never "negative" enough to attract the kind of men I've been subjected to. If anything, I am too trusting of the good in other people, too idealistic; but I'd rather be that way than bitter and mistrusting everyone. Love to all of you...