I've been thinking for perhaps too long now that I maybe mildly depressed. I say mildly because I'm not comotose nor have I gone out of my way to act out something dangerous. But for about two and a half years now, I've noticed myself having multiple symptoms of depression. For instance, my sleeping pattern is sporadic that I either stay up crazy late or wake up far earlier than I intended. I look at my life most the time and think that there is no meaning to it and that I live an empty existence. When I'm by myself, I feel persistently down and find reasons that may or may not exist that make me feel like a bad person.

I typically can't stop thinking and can't concentrate on much of anything non physical for more than a small amount of time. Half the time, I find things that are enjoyable just end up becoming another chore or become uninteresting. The feeling typically passes every once in a while, but I feel like it always returns in like a month or two, if it lets up.

I'm 18 right now, and have never been diagnosed with depression, though mostly out of a refusal to seek actual help/ stubborness that I'm fine. I can usually function enough so that I can do classwork and maintain a decent appearance. But everything always ends falling to pieces if given enough time. I've had at least two friends and and two school staff members recommend getting help, but I've backed out each time.

I've been thinking and debating for the longest now whether or not I should get help, or if I'm just making it all up in my head. When I say making it up, I mean like, I know the symptoms of depression, so am I making up the symptoms in my head because I know them, or are they real and I'm just stubbornly trying to talk myself out of it? Admist all of my rambling, I really just don't know what to think.