i was instantly drawn to the subject, because my own experience is one of under-nurturing... i'm disappointed that they focus on the state of the marriage, divorce, or becoming parents too early though. From my own experience personally, and with what i have seen around me, i haven't seen that correlate into the lack of nurturing. i know plenty of kids from divorced parents who had good nurturing and stable families (extended etc).

It's collaborative in many ways... many people don't have the internal skills to give adequate nurturing but it doesn't mean they shouldn't have children... i mean, who decides that? And i wouldn't exist

It's true that awareness is needed, better skills training, better education... better community oriented support for families to allow children to get nurturing from more sources in the first place.

i didn't know i wasn't getting what any child needs... i just felt bad.

My parents weren't too young, they didn't divorce psychologically or otherwise... by all standards used in this discussion, my childhood had all they talk about structurally. i was the youngest and my siblings got a somewhat better deal than i did though... undiagnosed health issues, financial stresses... and a myriad of circumstantial stuff created a situation where i fell through a lot of cracks. i doubt my family is even aware that what i experienced was so devoid of nurturing affection at some points. No one took the time to teach me some things that should be givens... because no one realized... it was a lot of not noticing their own "stuff" was interferring with the development of a young child.

i don't think it's fair to make broad statements about who should have kids or when.. or that divorce causes a lack of nurturing... it isn't that tidy. It's just wrong to even use the phrase "qualified to do so [be parents]." Egads... throw the first stone, why don't they? Who would be "qualified?" Who are these normal, qualified, perfectly adapted parents anyway? My parents are good people... they have other children... married over 50 yrs now... not wealthy but not poor... church-going... - they'd pass the "qualifications" test, and yet, my childhood was what it was.

Sometimes the most unlikely parents raise well-grounded and loved/loving children... sometimes the lack of nurture makes a person vividly aware of what is missing and they seek to self-improve (like me )...

So not tidy.

A lack of nurturing really does create wounds... unnamed ones... prevents some skill sets from developing when they should and the battle is uphill later... sort of like learning a second language as an adult.

it is a decent read rapunzel, ty for posting it... a very good discussion topic as well. Will make it through the rest of it later... maybe it addresses my views in parts i haven't gotten to.

peace