At the recent failure of my attempt at a relationship with a man, a Ph.D. in Psychology, who rejected me, I have recurring daily/nightly visualizations of stabbing myself in the heart with a sharp knife. I haven't felt this since I was age 20 and in college after a similar painful and abusive relationship with my first sexual experience.. Now, at age 54, divorced 8 years, refraining from any contact with a man for three years only to experience this recent failure/rejection, I am struggling with humiliation. When the s++t hit the fan and I realized it was truly over, I spent the entire evening hitting myself over the head, and slapping myself. I only spent one evening beating up on myself, but the knives in the heart visualizations continue. I hope they subside soon!
I am an educated woman, a teacher and currently in graduate school in Fine Art. I have a wonderful daughter and lovely twin toddler grandsons, age 3. I also have a nice home and good friends, though I have burdened them with my recent debacle at dating. I hope to move beyond this soon.
Does this sound like self-abuse/self-injury?
Seeker

I moved this post to its own thread so that people will see it and you will get more replies, and also added a trigger icon. -Rapunzel