My Support Forums - View Single Post - Helping a friend

VickiesPath · 01:46 PM

I agree with AAAAA. Regardless of all the "what if's" you might come up with, this woman is not healthy, she will ruin you, you will regret any further contact with her; although your obsession with her is understandable because you still have feelings for her, you need to get over her! Her problems are deep and dangerous. She is destined to self-destruct and she will take down anyone near her.

I have known many women like this woman. She was damaged at an early age, being taught that her sexuality is all she has to offer. The result is a woman who has low self-esteem and is insecure, needing constant attention to feed her insecurities; needs to attract relationships with unavailable men so that they can go only so far because she is terrified of a permanent bond, and if the man becomes available, she drops him immediately and goes on to the next conquest. If she happens to form a relationship with an available man, it is always one who treats her like crap, like she was treated when she was young.

You are in therapy to help YOU. Where do you need to go from here regarding your marriage and children? What do you need to do regarding your serenity and self-esteem? I can tell that your narrative indicates that you are very intelligent, articulate, but perhaps introverted and a bit lonely. Focus in on those and look at where you want to be in two years or five years. Your therapist will let you sit and rattle on about this woman as long as you want, he/she gets paid the same regardless. But it isn't doing you any good. Place your efforts where they will do you the most good and meet your needs in the best way.

I am speaking from experience, dear. I am in my fourth marriage and I finally figured out that I deserved better than the men I was picking. This one is a winner and we will celebrate ten years together this month. But it took a lot of work and a lot of mistakes. You have the opportunity to get a jump on it and not go through quite as much pain as I did.

I wish you the best.