Seeker, yes, when you hurt yourself as a way to manage your emotions and feelings, or to cope, that is self injury. Like you, many of us who use this kind of coping method are high-achievers with lots of stuff that we do well, and lots of evidence we can show to prove it. We don't like feeling like our lives are out of our control, and this is one way of feeling like we have some control. It can also be a way to show that you have been hurt. I'm concerned about the ideation you have about stabbing yourself, even if it is something you would never do, and I hope that that stops soon also. We don't think about things like that for no reason though. You're welcome to come here and talk, but I hope that you will also get some professional help. That's really what it takes to get over feelings that are this powerful and confusing.

Best Wishes,
Rap