((((((((((((((deli))))))))))))))

Well, first of all, it's probably a combination of ALL of the work that you are doing with p-doc and Austin-T that is helping you feel better. I mean, you are working really hard.

I will say, in my experience, to my SHOCK, talking about the CSA really is what started pushing me towards feeling better. It's so crazy - I mean, I was raped when I was 19 and we talked a TON about that, I grew up in a very physically abusive, alcoholic home and we've talked about that...but it wasn't until we started dealing with the CSA that I feel like some kind of darkness has been purged from my soul. I mean, I FEEL the difference.

I spent my WHOLE LIFE thinking the physical abuse was the main problem. And I do think there is a lot to deal with there. But it almost seems like on some level, the CSA was bigger - at least in how it affected me.

The thing is, YOU know yourself. What p-doc says is his opinion - and he probably does want you to know that sharing what happened was a big deal and that he is proud of you.

Oh- another thought (I am all drugged for a hurt back so forgive me for being confused and rambly) - looking back, I wonder if I was focusing so much on the physical abuse stuff because it's easier to think about/deal with than then CSA?? I mean, I walked right into T's office when I started therapy and told him right away about the physical abuse...and only a few months later we talked about the rape...but it took almost 2 years to even begin to admit to the CSA. Hmmm.

Don't know if there is anything helpful here, but those are my scattered thoughts!