JP....

Sounds like you're in a cycle where you can't see the good in yourself to be confident enough to really be loved or love yourself.

I like the idea about writing your therapist a letter. This way, you have the ideas on paper and can use them as a guide for your visits.

Sometimes, babysteps help a lot. Get your confidence up.

It's hard. Going to Thailand sounds like it's a challenge to you and your "safe" boundaries in your life. Will you actually be going alone? Or is there a friend or relative coming with you?

I can relate to your feelings alot. I just went through a really nasty divorce after a long marriage. Just that alone shredded my self confidence and self esteem to shreds. But it does help to take babysteps for me... like making sure i'd find easy stuff to do that I could accomplish at first... like finding ways to have a small group activity I could look forward to.

Dunno... but you seem to be a really smart, sensitive, inquisitive person. Remember too people often aren't going to "love" you in ways you may expect. Notice when others do small, nice things around you... like opening a door for you or a hostess seats you in a restaurant. Try small talk with them.