Welcome to pscyhcentral amdx.

There is a lot of information in your post, but I will wait to respond to more of it until later. Right now imo you need to know that there is a good way out of what you are in... the past mistakes are no reason to not make good decisions right now. Maybe you don't have the right ppl giving you advice, I don't know. Are you still in therapy? You need that support and knowledge.

Try and view your "debt" to your wife as really to your son, and also to the system.. which provides mental health clinics to ppl like the members here. That might make it more palatable, imo. I know that doesn't help find the funds.

You are a human with his own needs and problems. I hope you'll come back and post again let us know what kinds of things you've decided to do and all. TC