Yes, I feel that way too. I am in my early 40s and I resent having lost much of my young adulthood to this mental mess. I think how much more I might have done if I had been stable. Now I feel I must redouble my efforts just to do something useful while I am still here.

I just came out of a very bad time. My psychiatrist OKd stopping Abilify to see if it was causing drowsiness. Maybe the drowsiness improved, but a huge awful depression came sliding in. Just in time for a big, stupid, ill-conceived project at work, too. I am so glad I found enough motivation just to start taking those little pills again. A big part of me didn't want to...just wanted to keep sliding and let myself completely fall apart. But I started taking them again, and while I don't feel "well" I feel back in control.

Sorry, I'm babbling about myself. My point was that I have increasingly found how much these meds are keeping me alive. Sorry if this was discussed earlier in the thread, I might have missed it. But when I found the right meds it made such a difference--just in getting me stabilized to where I could start working on other positive changes. I don't know if you are still giving meds a shot, or having hassles with your psychiatrist. But IMO they are worth pursuing even through some trial and error and frustration.

OK, I am running off at the mouth, I better go to bed soon!