Thanks for your thoughts everyone. I'm not sleeping well and thus not thinking clearly about my mental well being, so I still don't want to see a psychiatrist or get on more meds. I still wonder if my actions or lack thereof will make me wind up in a hospital. I don't want to do either. I want to feel better but I hate the idea of this process never ending and me not even having the hypomania that allows me to accomplish things. I just want to get rid of the depression and insomnia, you know? But it's like everything I try causes a worse side effect than what I was trying to cure.

Hit a brick wall and I have no answers except for surviving hour by hour and day by day.

Love you guys.