Yes, I understand how you feel and you are not alone in the world.

My attraction (and perhaps yours as well) is for androgyny. I like the blended male/female appearance and it took me a long time to realize that this particular attraction is perfectly fine. Your preferences may not be exactly the same as mine, but they're in the same ballpark. We both must simply accept ourselves for what we are.

You need to stand up for your self-identity. There is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to apologize for. Explain to people, whenever the subject happens to arise, exactly who you are and then let the chips fall where they may.

It won't be an easy path to follow, but your only chance for happiness lies upon it.