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Aug 03, 2009, 05:36 PM
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Member Since: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,801
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Babysteps09
They say it is good to be around people and to socialize as much as possible. I feel worse when I'm in amongst a group of people than
when I'm all alone . I see them laughing and carrying on , enjoying
themselves as I stand alone feeling miserable that I can't be that
way , the way that I used to be . Is it because I'm jealous or
is my depression to blame . I WANT to be happy. I WANT to
socialize , but I don't want to have the feeling of hit me with
a brick over the head and get it over with.  When I don't see
people , I don't get these feelings as bad . But when I'm face to
face with it , it's torture . So how do I win , when what I want to
do , makes me feel worse for doing it . I don't know if anyone
else here has experienced these feelings , but I'm sure I'm not
the only one . Someone will say something funny , and I'll smile
and think to myself "f**cking hilarious " whoopdee do . 
What has happened to me ? This is NOT me ? How do I FIND me?
I'm NOT invisible , people do see me , but what do THEY see?
The only thing GOOD about this , is I know I'm not alone .
There are lots of people who suffer from depression.
How is that GOOD? That is BAD in my opinion . No one should
have to go through this everyday torture of just wanting to
get off this planet . Enough of my selfish ranting for today ,
but I needed a release , and you are the unfortunate ones that
get to read it PLEASE HELP 
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I don't have the answer either, but I did talk about this with my psychiatrist today and she thinks that Abilify will help me with this kind of anxiety. Good luck ((((babysteps09)))).  Hugs for your day.
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