Nocturne, we haven't met yet so hello :O)
I can only speak from my point of view so stick with me and see if you can relate to any of this.

What I need from my husband is a sincere apology from his heart with the understanding that he did wrong and wants to change. Then I need to see sincere and honest effort.
It's obvious that you are getting help by going to counseling and taking meds. That's a really good step to show your wife you want to improve.

I also have to agree with Lmo, the problems in your marriage have been going on for awhile and alot of anger, hurt and resentment can build up. For me in my marriage, I was so unhappy and constantly dissapointed. My husband is trying but he has alot of growing to do and it is a slow process. I know it also takes alot of effort on my part because he screwed up so badly he can do 5 things right but one wrong and the one wrong is the one that gets focused on because it brings up alot of hurt again. It is very hard to forget and sometimes to forgive and it takes time.

In my personal situation I am doing my part by trying to be rational about the stituation. I am trying to deal with the problems that my relationship caused for me. I am trying to be a little more open but I am afraid my husband isn't getting much from me. When I see him truely trying and sincere then he gets an inch but he has to have given a mile. She said she is waiting for you to succeed. We all have different levels of what success means to us.

Maybe you could sit down with her and tell her what you want to do to make things better and ask her what "success" means to her. It's alot of pressure on you if you don't know exactly what is expected of you.

If she does want your maariage to work and you are wiling to do whatever you can to remedy the problems then she will also need to understand that it will take time and you will make mistakes. The most important thing is that you don't give up and you don't give in. I don't believe success is reaching the goal but how you have dealt with the obstacles along the way.

It sounds like you have a serious spending problem and that can be very hard on a relationship. With counseling and will you can beat that and your wife will need to see you really making the effort. When you are spending you are putting her and your daughters security in jeopardy. You are making the future unstable. You are taking away from them things they could have or need. It must be very hard on your wife to deal with it. I know I would have a serious problem. It's ok to have a little fun sometimes but I know how an alcoholic drinks so I can't even imagine.

Your wife may be suffering from some depression herself. Has she in the past ever left your child unattended? Maybe with all the stress of what's going on she doesn't have the strength and maybe she will make mistakes too. I hope you can work together and do what's best for your child. Maybe you could tell her that when she needs a break you could take your daughter for some hours so she can rest or do something for herself.

It does sound like she is hanging on to your relationship for whatever reason and she did say she was waiting for something from you. It sounds like you have to give her a reason to believe in you.

I'm gonna end this for now. It got WAY longer than I intended. I just related more to how your wife may be feeling and wanted to give you my thoughts.

Hugs and best wishes,
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin