Had to work today...one of the reasons I didn't want to go to the hospital. I need the money. Made it through somehow, albeit exhausted and eyes straining at the computer. I nearly had a couple of panic attacks...gasping for air, tightness in my chest, but I made myself focus on something else besides feeling like I couldn't handle everything (and there's so much right now!). I so expect them to take me away soon. I have to stop writing emails when I'm so depressed and not sleeping. I all but told the authorities to go **** themselves and that I was going back to drinking because they wouldn't listen and they made me feel worse (which is true, but my reaction was irrational I realize). I just need to find a new meds person, but it's going to be tough any time soon. And I'm sure I've pissed everyone off who tried to help me when things got to a crisis.

I feel pretty alone, but I know I've got you guys and that helps more than you know. If they do cart me away tomorrow...well, you'll know because you don't get any messages from me for a day or two. I suspect I can get myself out of the hospital in 24 hours with my wit and charm . However, if I'm stark raving due to lack of sleep, it'll be a bit longer. I must needs get something to help me sleep soon.

hugs everyone I'm such a dork sometimes.