Shangrala, my overwhelming thought as I read your posts was that I hope you will go see a therapist yourself. You sound numb, withdrawn, and hurting. A lot. With a caring therapist to help, you can find life and hope "on the other side."

I also want to second what Rapunzel wrote: you can still go to couples counseling even if your intention is to split up. My therapist called it "uncoupling therapy". It can be emotionally very difficult to separate, and when there are kids involved, a therapist can help both of you keep motivated to do what is best for your kids (by that I don't mean stay together, but how to separate with the kids' best interests at heart).

One of the best things I did was go to couples counseling when my H and I were splitting up. Because of that, we are now able to communicate well and co-parent as a team. Our kids are doing great.

Good luck.