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Aug 04, 2009, 10:45 AM
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Member Since: Dec 2007
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 1,156
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunrise
Marjan, why do you think your mother is depressed? It sounds like she is being a butthead, just like she always has been. Could you be ascribing "depression" to her to make yourself feel less guilty for not being able to stand her behavior?
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She told my sister that she's been on anti-depression pills, but she stopped it. Also, She really doesn't have anybody because of her controling/angry behaviour. Most of her sisters and her neices and nephews are not talking to her. I do have close friendship with some of my nieces. That was one of the boundries that I set. She doesn't want me to talk to them!
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It is completely understandable that your find your mother unpleasant to be around. Don't feel guilty for that.
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It's so hard for me to accept this part. I was raised to respect my parents and to love them unconditionally. That's my culture. They have taught us if we don't follow and respect our parents, then we go to hell directly....it sounds funny, but that has been registered in my brain badly. For example, yesterday she was around my home and I wanted to go to my dance class. Then I told her on the phone, if she wants I can come and pick her up. She said "no"....then I had this guilt feelings of being selfish to not want being with her. when I went to the class and I saw my ex-bf flirting with a new girl and I think she was more than a new girl. So, then I thought probably my mom is not happy with me that's why I'm having a bad time here in the class!
Then all the way coming back home I was thinking about it. Thinking that probably I am the bad person....
Always, when something bad has happened to any of us (my sisters and I). My mom would say that "oh...because I was so mad at you that's why this thing has happened to you!!!!
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Regarding her phone conversations with you about your sister, your sister's husband, your sister's outings with her kids, etc.: tell her you do not wish to gossip any more about your sister and that if she can't say anything nice about your sister, then you'd rather not hear it. Tell her that if she disagrees with your sister's actions, she should tell her sister directly, that you personally have no control over your sister, so there is no point in telling you. Then change the topic to something neutral, like the weather, gardening, sports, etc.
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Oh, I told her so many times that if she disagrees with them, she should tell them directly....but my mom is getting pissed and starts making our life like a total hell....This is her style...talk behind each of us to the other one....sometimes, I want to sit her down and tell her how much she made our life misrable....my older sister told me that mom is totally denying that she has ever beat us up....OMG...there wasn't even one day that we didn't get beated...how is possible that she forgot!!!!
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Are you seeing a therapist, by the way? I think a therapist could provide support to you as you deal with your mom, and help you work through old "mom issues" from your childhood too. Your therapist can also help you learn to set boundaries.
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I'm not seeing a therapist now, but I used to go to the therapist....It didn't really help me that much....now, I mostly try to read self-help books and work on myself...but I'm such a mess once it gets to the relationship...that's why I'm still single at the age of 36...I can't hold on into any relationships....I think when the person is damaged from childhood, it's hard to fix herself....I'm so jealous at my friends who are married and have kids and I can't understand how they can do that....why I can't!
Thanks again....I think I will seek for more help and I will contact a therapist tonight most likely....my work is providing some free consuling sessions....I'm feeling so sad today, I think it's mostly because of both combination of guilt feelings of not wanting my mom around and my ex-boyfriend issue...
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