I'm with you guys. I went to a Junior League event last week and I'm wondering if that's not why I'm falling apart now. For any of you who don't live near a League, it's a women's organization who get together for volunteerism/social activities. Don't ask me why I joined... it's one of those "looks good on paper" things I tend to do that is the opposite of how I feel on the inside.

The event was held at the home of a member. Did I say home? I meant mansion. Everyone was so beautifully dressed with perfectly fixed hair and makeup. They drove expensive luxury SUV's and had perfect thousand dollar smiles and skin. Some were pregnant, all were coupled. They talked about jobs and new homes. They were kind, caring, and made me feel welcome BUT...

I knew that I drove the car with the upside down loan, missing hubcaps, and $3000 total value that was parked at the bottom of the long drive because the SVU's took up all of the other space. I knew that I was the one with the peeling skin b/c my face was allergic to the dollar store face wash I used that morning. I was the one with the hair in a knot because I've only been able to afford one haircut since 2005 and that was over 18 mths ago. I was the one with no job, no relationships, living at home with the people who abused me in a literally rotting mobile home.

They were normal and kind and did nothing that should have upset me but I left there with butterflies in my tummy that multipled over the last week until I'm nearly, completely at rock bottom right now over analyzing every stupid mistake I've ever made and trying to figure out why this is my life. For me, being around people only shines a light on all of the things about my life that I feel powerless to change. Then, I get more upset because I know that I'm not supposed to feel that way. It's just a bad cycle.

Hugs sent to all of you who share that feeling. Sorry for hijacking the thread, typing helps sometimes.