kay erik - thank you for your post. i'm sorry you have to deal with this too. it makes my blood boil sometimes.. i wish it was easier to understand it, there is so much knowledge of it out there but still... so much remains unbelieved.

podbaby - many thanks to you too. unfortunately, i have no knowledge of DID specialists here where i live (in finland) and even trauma therapy is a very new thing around here. i know a lot of people from finland who think they have DID, though. oh well, guess i just have to wait lol.

turquoisesea - you're so right, it took me what, 19 years until i got names from others inside. i hope it won't take that long to find a specialist though. and yes, there was a mix of alters (and myself on the background because i remember this part) talking to the nurse, who do not really want anyone to know. they are protecting the perpetrators, i guess. but thanks for your response, and hugs are more than welcome!

thank you all. *bows*

twilight