Hi Babysteps
Quote:
Originally Posted by Babysteps09
They say it is good to be around people and to socialize as much as possible. I feel worse when I'm in amongst a group of people than
when I'm all alone . I see them laughing and carrying on , enjoying
themselves as I stand alone feeling miserable that I can't be that
way , the way that I used to be . Is it because I'm jealous or
is my depression to blame . I WANT to be happy. I WANT to
socialize , but I don't want to have the feeling of hit me with
a brick over the head and get it over with.  When I don't see
people , I don't get these feelings as bad . But when I'm face to
face with it , it's torture . So how do I win , when what I want to
do , makes me feel worse for doing it . I don't know if anyone
else here has experienced these feelings , but I'm sure I'm not
the only one . Someone will say something funny , and I'll smile
and think to myself "f**cking hilarious " whoopdee do . 
What has happened to me ? This is NOT me ? How do I FIND me?
I'm NOT invisible , people do see me , but what do THEY see?
The only thing GOOD about this , is I know I'm not alone .
There are lots of people who suffer from depression.
How is that GOOD? That is BAD in my opinion . No one should
have to go through this everyday torture of just wanting to
get off this planet . Enough of my selfish ranting for today ,
but I needed a release , and you are the unfortunate ones that
get to read it PLEASE HELP 
|
Perhaps it's not so much depression... as the fact that you've just become more introverted as you've gotten older. If that is the case, than don't beat yourself up about it.
For example in my own life... partying among a big crowd was fun in my 20's and 30's but it is of absolutely no interest to me now.
Now that I am older, I prefer good in-depth intellectual conversation with one or two other people at most. Any group larger than 2 people is an uncomfortable experience for me and I would rather be alone. The only time I like bigger groups is if it's my family.
Peppermint