((((((everyone)))))))

The appointment was ... okay, I guess. My counsellor is very nice and I feel comfortable talking to her, but it's not the same as talking to my counsellor at school, who I really miss. I can tell that this counsellor uses different techniques, and I'm a little apprehensive about that, but we'll see how things go. Today I came home with a bunch of relaxation exercises to try before my appointment next week.

I do wonder if anyone else has this problem, though (and it happened with my last counsellor too, so I'm thinking it's something to do with me): When I'm not with my counsellor, there are all kinds of thoughts bouncing around in my head. All kinds of feelings and observations about myself that I want to get across. But as soon as I set foot in the office, something gives way and I can't get myself to talk about most of them. I started out giving my general history today so she could get to know me, and I started talking about my family and then ... well, I just sort of got stuck there. I get stuck on my family a lot. And that's all right because my family does cause me a lot of stress and anxiety, and they need to be dealt with, but I feel like there are other parts of my life I'm neglecting as well that don't really have anything to do with that. But it's like whenever I go for an appointment, or whenever I'm talking to my closest friends about my depression, it comes back to my family and I can't seem to get myself out of that subject.

I don't know ... maybe my family has become "easy" to talk about as opposed to some of the other issues in my life. Maybe I'm just scared, or blocking something out. Going to therapy, for me, feels a lot like standing in the doorway of a room I haven't cleaned in so long I can no longer see the floor, and not having a clue where to begin.