Sometimes it does hurt when you leave. I think you need to keep working through this, as hard as it is, because I think you are doing some really useful work right now. It's hard to acknowledge the limitations other people have, especially for me. I've had that yawning, empty chasm of pain when I left T, and other times I've left and felt cared for. I think it's all part of the attachment work we do, and speaks a lot to what we missed early on in life. It's so, so, tough though. Keep going, you're doing great!