i just found myself got bullied today. it happened just like that. dont ask what, its silly annoying and pisses me off! they think they're "somebody" and they looked at me like im nobody, that they can fooled me off, well im holding the grudge for the zillion times. have you ever thought of killing someone? well just a thought.

my day ended with a fight between me & my gf. i cant have this fight. im really angry the whole day, but i dont have the energy to let it out cause im too depressed already, i feel like i dont want to do anything at all.

everytime i had a day like this, my depressed really getting out of control. im possessed with my unwanted thoughts & feelings. i lost my sanity. suicidal. give up. just nothing, empty. this could go on forever. im tired. dont know what i really want cause everything is messed up already, my life and everything really. sometimes i realized how ****ed up i am. how life is meaningless to me. pointless. unfair. why am i like this? i've tried to love myself, it just wont happen. this is the best situation that can drag me back to my drugs and drinking problem.

i still want to write tho, but i dont know what else to say. same thing over and over again each post perhaps. sorry to bore you. i dont have anybody else to talk to, literally.