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Aug 06, 2009, 05:29 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Posts: 1
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Ive been reciving newsletters from here for a while, started to type for some advice and id get muddled up confused and then forget as you can guess i then think 'forget it' somthing i tell myself ofter but never do lol
I just wanted to say eventhough i know u have had alot of other replies that i have done taht since i can remember! i have bpd, serve depression and anxiety. I remember being curled up in the coner of my bed(against the wall facing the door) darent not to move my head just my eyes so i could keep an eye on both the door and window sure somthing or somone was going to hurt me or i dont know what realy, i would loose my voise when trying to call for my mum after what seemed like hours sweating and shaking i think i oftern blacked out too. id finaly get the fight to run straight to my mams room across the landing in a horrible state and tell her is had a nightmare not sure of what had happened or have a panic attack n eventually fall asleep. Im 19 now and had a similar time when me my partner and our friends which are a couple stayed over at a cottage i stayed up most of the night convinced the peoples cottage who we were staying in were going to butcher us or harm our friends in the other room, i feel ashamed and babyish. Life absoloutly scares the life from me im suprised im still alive that my body or mind hasnt shut down. I have experiences like this a awful lot and other paranoid things but i won't go on any longer as im not sure u will even read this because i dnt realy know how this works but anyway..
I totaly feel for you, thanks to this i will sleep(hopefully) tonight and will tell my partner tomorrow about this and im sure he will feel for you too if that gives you any comfort. I wish you all the best its nice to know im not alone when im in crisis i have before held out my hand and prayed sombody knows what its like to feel this way with me althougth i wish non of it exist and we were all happy but no  its clearly not how life is. Please take care xx
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