It may not be exactly like yours, but I sometimes confront a feeling that suicide is waiting for me. Ironically, my depression robs me of the energy to obsess over it. Hmmm...almost worth a laugh, that - depression being my ally against suicide.

Personaldemons, you use the word "trapped." It seems to me you value something, otherwise you wouldn't feel "trapped" in life. Is it love for your family? You know best, and perhaps you can nurture whatever it is as a bulwark against suicidal ideation.

Bananasarecool knows what she's talking about. Thoughts don't necessarily lead to actions (in my case they rarely do). I'm just guessing, but if you've had seven actual attempts, I'd suspect that's a small fraction of the number of ideations.

Life has held on to you. I'm glad it has. I suspect others are, too.