I think that telling us about your sister is a good start. The feelings that you have about her are important, and need to be acknowledged, at least in therapy. It sounds like your parents are not accepting those feelings from you and are trying to get you to see it their way instead? That is understandable too, since I'm sure that they want their children to have good feelings towards each other, but it hurts when someone denies your feelings. The way you feel is yours, and you should never have to feel bad for having emotions.

I relate to the way you feel about your sister too. I have a sister who is two and a half years younger than I am, and she was always the good child, while I was considered the rebel. I wanted to think for myself and have some independence, and I wanted to get away from her sometimes (she was encouraged to spy on me and report back to mom if I ever questioned the rules). She grew faster than I did, so we were the same size pretty soon and people thought we were twins. She is four inches taller than me now - she's a normal height and I'm short. We were always very competitive, and once my parents sat us both down and in an effort to get us not to compete said that she was the smarter one while I was more of an artist. So, I started putting more into school subjects and she got more into art, trying to be competitive in each other's area. Now, she's got a successful carreer (she is a psychiatrist), while I didn't get into graduate school and have struggled as a goat farmer. She has a nice house and can afford to travel home and visit, and I don't/can't, so I'm not really even part of my family anymore.

So, you are not the only one overshadowed by a sister. I hope that you are able to talk about it and work through it. I think you will find that talking to a therapist about this issue will go better than you expect, and that they will accept and understand your feelings.

Hugs,
Wendy

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>