(((((treehouse))))) Oh, so painful. Some have suggested that T is not giving you what you need unless you ask because he wants you to learn to do that, but you wrote above that he is doing it to be careful. Do you know what he means by that? Does it mean he is very aware about the boundaries between therapists and clients and doesn't want to cross one? If a client asks to have a hand held, it is different from if he initiates? In the latter case, he might see himself as doing something unwanted to a client and he wants to be absolutely sure that he is providing something the client wants? In that sense, he is being very respectful of your boundaries. I know it hurts, but it sounds like he is just very cautious. He may have had a bad experience where he tried to touch a client and the client did not want it at all, and so he is super respectful now. Maybe? I know it hurts.

I would not be able to ask for a hand or a hug from my T, treehouse. It would be way too painful. There was a time once a few months ago, when I was with T at a meeting, and it was going badly, and we had a break and T and I were alone and he just put his arm around me and gave me a hug without my saying a word. Later I told him how wonderful that was, as I wanted him to know he had done something so helpful. I don't know why they don't do that more often, but I think it is probably that they are trying to be very respectful of boundaries. If they are indeed not giving a hug or a hand just to teach us to ask for it, that seems rather cruel. I can see the logic, but it still feels bad to me.

Treehouse, could you get the comfort you need without having to ask for it from someone else in your life? Does your H give that without being asked? It might feel good to get that from someone, if it is something T cannot provide.