Wondering why you are how you are. My head would be too full too. I don't know that I will ever truly understand why I am how I am, but putting that thought aside and learning to just live is more important to me.

Interesting that my therapist knows snippets of my past. It is all he needs to know, a climps, since his job is to understand who I am in the present and help to to maneuver through my life going forward, a person in paind. Looking back does not always help one move forward.

Even if you journal what you have written here, it is helpful, as I am sure typing the words to start this thread felt good. To let someone hear and know how you feel at this moment in time is good. A journal is not just an extension of oneself it is a friend to whom you can talk and who will listen, just as we do on this forum.

Let you journal be your friend too. Let go of the heaviness in your mind.