"...that suicide will eventually get me"

It can only "get" you if you allow it to get you!!

I spent most of 2008 having suicidal ideations. What I didn't know was that there was medication out there that would stop those disturbing thoughts. Sadly, it was not during my two hospitalizations in 2008.

When I moved in April I had to find a psychiatrist a new doc to oversee my mental health meds. The last one never listen to me, he was too busy filling out the requisite form the medical practice required of him. In May she, the new doc, RXd generic Lamictal for me. She told me it would help stabilize my mood.

Recently I discovered that not only had my ideations gone away, but I have a hard time even getting my mind to have such thoughts. I am no longer seriously considering jumping off the hospital parking garage two blocks from my home.

Not only that, but for the first time in a decade of more I find myself laughing at things on TV and around me, and I have returned to singing in the car. I haven't been able to find anything funny, even when I knew I should be enjoying the funny and laughing. I just couldn't find that kind of joy in myself.

The first time I laughed out loud, a few week ago, quote honestly it sort of scared me and I thought to myself, "You can't be laughing! You are not allowed to laugh. How is this possible?" Now I am amazed still today, but I allow it to happen and don't try to surpress it as I have done in the past.

So, if you are having suicidal ideations, please seek medication. It has been a miracle for me and I want you to feel the miracle too!!