(((treee)))

This line struck me. My T would ask me..."What would make it easy? or What would you need to make this easier?"

I know that on a general level you want to have this stuff behind you and healed, but what specifically do you need from T *right now* to help make this easier? I know you can ask T to sit next to you and he would, and I know you've done that in the past -- so what stopped you from asking this time around?

Just a thought I had. Reading your post I could almost hear my T's voice asking that question, so I wanted to share.

You are doing phenomenal...can I just say that. No bad coping mechanisms, and you're dealing with the toughest topic imaginable. Hang in there.